So... a lot has happened lately in life!

I guess the biggest news is that.... my best friend Allyson has gotten engaged!!! I found this out on Tuesday, and also I GET TO BE A BRIDESMAID!!!!!

I could not be more excited. As long as my friends are happy, I am happy. And I could not feel more blessed to be asked to be a part of her wedding party. Ally and I have been through so much in our friendship, it seems. From our parents hanging out when we were babies, to being classmates in high school, not really knowing each other, to becoming aquaintences, to becoming people who pretty much hang out every day, to being room mates, to going through a rough patch (which we didn't think we'd make it through), back to being best friends. I can't even COUNT how many stories we have together. I can't even explain how blessed I feel to have a friend like her in my life. In so many ways, I see her like a sister. She watches out for me. A LOT. Gives me honest advice, and even though sometimes it may not come accross that way, she always has my best interest at heart. I can't wait to start planning and being involved in all the fun wedding planning.

I love you, Ally!

In other recent happenings, I've found it really hard lately to trust people. (Mainly guys). I've gone on a few dates recently, and to be honest, I have to say that dating people is the hardest thing ever. Because, if you really like the person, and the feelings don't seem to be reciprocated, its a crushing blow (even if you did just meet). Sometimes, I wish I knew what God's plans were for me when it came to marriage. I guess what I am going to need to do is focus more on myself, and my relationship with family, friends and most importantly, Jesus. I think if I get all those ducks in a row, things will start to fall in place for me. I just feel so anxious because I just want to be loved. Everytime I've prayed and asked God for a friend, He has provided for me. I guess maybe thats STILL what I should be praying for. Relationships should start off as friendships. Maybe the way I view this is all wrong. I guess just hoping maybe I can find a strong man, who is trustworthy, faithful, and funny. Those are the things I need to pray for.

I am really looking forward to going to church this sunday. I pray I can find a church to call my own, and help my life get a little more on track.

feel good song of the day.

I am super digging this song and video. I think its cute that she's pregnant in it too! 

life..

since my last post, it seems like life has slowly started to become better.

nothing can be perfect.. but things can be close. there are still things i am working on, once i get them worked out (hopefully in a positive ending), things will be almost back to normal again.

i am thankful for the friends i have. i am thankful for the situations i've gone through, good and bad, because i know they are slowly turning me into a better person. i have a long way to go before i am the person i truly want to be. but this feels like a good start for me.

thanking my family and friends, and most importantly God, for accepting and loving me, regardless of the things i've gone through.

more on that to come.

soul-searching.

So.. Why is it that I always tend to blog when I am not in the greatest mood? Probably makes me seem like a depressed person. For some reason, I find it harder to remember to blog when I am having a good time. I guess its a good release of emotion?  The weird thing is, I am not sad that often, just I guess I tend to just leave my feelings in my blog. I think its better that way. 


Anyways, things haven't been great lately. I've been feeling very alone. I screwed up in kind of a big way with a few of my closest friends. I guess the part i am having the most trouble with, is that I don't think I did what they think I did. Regardless, i DID screw up, so I guess i do deserve to have this time to myself to reflect on what kind of friend I am to people. I think the best way i can really describe how i've kind of felt lately is almost like i've been arrested for a crime i didn't really commit. I mean, maybe i commited a different crime with a lesser sentence, but certainly been put away for a much larger one. The toughest part of this all, is that it's almost impossible for a "criminal" to prove they didn't do the crime. Once you've been put away, defending yourself seems impossible, and kind of useless. I believe the truth comes out eventually, because the truth ALWAYS sets you free, its just the waiting part that feels like it takes forever. I  know maybe this is the time i should take to build some character for myself. Maybe thats the reason why.
 Perhaps I haven't always been the greatest friend. I mean, I would love to think I am, but i know we all screw up. i've always tried my HARDEST to treat my friends the way i would want to be treated. maybe even tried to help them if i see they are about to go through hard times and just try to be there for them in general. I guess maybe sometimes the way we show it may not seem that way? I don't really know. I just want to be the greatest friend. I try my hardest to be honest, loving, and compassionate. I guess the honesty thing can maybe throw people sometimes. Sometimes it can come off as mean. But I guarantee i would never ever turn my back on a friend, or throw them under the bus. its something i've kind of learnt over the years. its no way to treat someone or be treated.


so to any of my friends that may stumble upon this entry, and you feel like i haven't treated you in the way i should, i sincerely and truly apologize. i sincerely mean to cause no one any grief and just want to see you all happy. looking back on it, i would definitely rather be depressed if i knew it would make the people in my life feel better.
all i want to is to fix whatever damage i've caused, in any way possible. no one deserves to be treated bad. and knowing i may have treated you bad, hurts me so much. probably more than you even think. i think about it every day. all the time. 

i will become the best!

so.. this week has not exactly been off to the best start. I've had alittle trouble at my place of work. Something that was definitely my fault, but still, i sure did get a scare and a half today and it left me realizing how important things like my job are to me, and how much i've gotten away with, which, in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have.

But this is my time. I know I am going to rock it. Why do I always let things get to the very worst before I fix them? I do not know. It's something I for sure need to fix with myself, but I know I can do it. It's gonna probably be super hard, and take SO much discipline, but don't fear. I can do it. I am so sad that I needed this type of thing to happen to me, but It's nothing i can change now. All I can do is improve. And i WILL improve. Even if it seems near impossible. I will do it. God is on my side, and I know my friends and family are too. This job was like one of the best things that happened, and I CANNOT let something bad happen

I know  no one's really going to read this, but It feels good to write about it. Let everyone know I am motivated. let MYSELF know I am motivated.
All I can do is thank God that i've been given these chances, even though I don't deserve it. If this isn't mercy, I don't know what is.

"Where mercy is shown, mercy is given..."

So... life....

So yeah, apparently, I am a terrible blogger! I will no longer make the statement "I am back! I am going to blog" because I always forget, clearly, but its fun to blog your feelings sometimes.

Life has been so good lately! Made lots of new awesome friends at my job, which I love. We are always having a good time...
From wings nights, to girls nights with jello shots and card games, to pool parties and birthday parties... life has been good lately!

I'm still working 2 jobs.. but different ones. Working at RBC and also CTD. I've been enjoying it.. I don't know if I could get just go back down to one job. i am just used to this already.
oh yeah! I am also living on my own now, in my own apartment, which is sure great as well. I've met a lot of good people and i feel blessed with how my life is turning out, that's for sure!
It has been so busy! but so worth it. :)